Growing Old

I feel that I should fight old age, tooth and nail. It wasn’t such an issue for me when I was younger, because I never worried about it then. I guess most people don't picture themselves past thirty. But now, well, now I notice the wrinkles around my eyes, and the white hairs sprouting, and the thicker middle, and the whiskers that grow on my chin that I pluck obsessively, and I know it is upon me!

I really don’t mind being older. I mind looking older. There are actually some great perks to being more mature. I am much more comfortable in my own skin these days. There is something to be said for aging. Suddenly I have become the sort of person who sings while in the car ( And I mean I belt it out, people. Like really getting in to the groove in a major way!) This is something I have always enjoyed, but remained self conscious over. Now I do it without a thought as to what the person next to me is thinking, or that they are laughing hysterically, or that they are recording it on their phone so that they can show others how hilarious the lady in the minivan was on the way to work.

Not only am a lot less inhibited, I am also more myself.  It’s like I know who I am now, where as when I was younger I had a difficult time making decisions or taking chances. I feel the inevitable ticking of the clock, and I think don’t waste your time!  I noticed a shift in my thinking a few years back, when I had to replace a chest of drawers. I told my husband, “I am not going to make do this time and just buy the cheapest one. I am going to wait until I have the money to buy something that I really love.”

Since then, I have tried to not only buy things that I completely and totally adore, but also things that are quality and that will last. I spend my time in the same manner. Of course there will always be things that are “have to dos”, but why squander your time on things that you hate and you just do because it is expected? I have begun to cut out things that are not necessary and that I can live without. I have learned that the word no is not a bad word.

The other day I went to a dance with my son L. My husband and I were marveling at how happy and genuine the children were as they danced like mad. They were all special need children and they were all smiling and laughing and having the best time. They simply did not care what they looked like or what other’s thought of them. They were just living in the moment and enjoying every minute of it. How liberating is that? I thought this is my chance. I will do the same thing. And it was like that song, I danced like nobody was watching. I had the best time, dancing with my son and all of his friends.

Here is the funny and ironic part. There were a number of peer tutors (typical kids with no disabilities) mixed in with that group. They were there assisting and supervising the children with special needs. One of them approached my daughter B at school and told her that she met her mom at this dance. And then she told B that I was cool!!! What the heck? Who knew I could have been cool years ago if I had been willing to make a fool of myself way back then?